HOW TO PILL A CAT~!

 How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. C all sp ouse from garden

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefu lly sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spo use's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottl e of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

SHAMPOO OUR CATS

May has flown by & we are facing the last of the first half of the year.
Last month our cats got their spring baths & we used a great old standard shampoo that conditions the skin while killing any crawly critters that took up winter-camp on our sweet cats.

If you suspect that your pet does have a flea infestation examine the animal closely by separating the hair on the animals back or groin area.  You want to be able to view the skin of the animal as well as possible and it will always be easier to detect fleas on those pets that have a lighter skin tone.  During your search you might actually be able to see a flea scurrying by, but more likely you will see the evidence that the flea has left behind.  Flea dirt (or feces) will appear as small, black pebbles in the fur and on the skin. 
We know that some geographic areas have fewer occurrences of fleas than others. [lucky them] 

The next step is to consider the shampoo that will do the best job getting rid of the fleas on your pet.   There are a ton of PET-shampoos to choose from, just remember that shampoos for people are not a good choice because of the harsh chemicals in them.  I like to dilute 1/3 Ivory liquid dish soap to 1/3 Dawn dish soap & 1/3 water.

Instructions

Things You Will Need:

• Dawn [I mix w/Ivory] dish washing liquid
• Mustard-type bottle with a small squirt end
• Small washcloth
• Warm water
• double sink
• Towels –Several
• Nail clippers

• Step 1:

Put the mixture of diluted dish soap into the squirt bottle.

Fill one side of double sink with warm water. Adjust the temperature as though you were bathing a baby. Place a towel or cloth in the bottom of the sink for kittie's footing security.

Now go get the cat/kitten:

REMEMBER to always talk to your cat/kitten in a calm voice to assure them that this is OK procedure.

FIRST THING YOU DO IS CLIP THE CAT/KITTEN’S NAILS~!

Before you wet down your pet, here's a handy trick to ensure that you are successful in getting all of those pesky fleas.  As soon as you wet the animal down, those fleas are going to run for higher and dryer ground; this means they will move to the head area.  So in order to prevent the fleas from escaping to the head [take a mustard-type squeeze bottle with the small point end, filled with the shampoo] you first squirt a thick layer of the shampoo all around the head & neck area; as close to the top of the head & underneath the chin area as you can get.  [Don't get in eyes, nose or mouth]

Gently immerse the kitten in the warm water sink up to its neck. Do not put its head underwater.  Make sure all fur is completely wet.

Step 2:

 I then place the cat/kitten into the empty side to apply shampoo to the body for at least 5 min of lathering. If you don’t have a double sink, place them on a towel on the counter to lather them down.  You can wash the cat/kitten’s face with a wet wash cloth [no shampoo].

Massage it into the fur everywhere, all the way down to the skin. Do not get the dish soap in the kitten's eyes. If you are thorough, the soap will kill most of the fleas. Spend some time building up a thick, soapy barrier that will kill the fleas that attempt to pass through it.  Fleas are very difficult to kill and it is better for your pet if you can handle the problem with one good bath rather than several of them, so be sure to leave the shampoo on for at least 5 minutes or more while continuing to massage the soap deep into the animal's fur. 

• Step 3:

Put the kitten back in the sink with warm water to remove a lot of the lather, drain the soapy water, then rinse the fur with warm water spray. [I like the spray head to rinse]  It is IMPORTANT that you RINSE, RINSE, & RINSE AGAIN.....if you don’t get all the soap out off the skin it will irritate the skin.

 Step 4:

Place the kitten on a clean, dry towel and gently dry it off.   The kitten needs to be kept warm, so make sure it is kept covered by the towel as much as possible. Change to a dry towel when the most of the moisture is in the first towel.

If these are very small kittens:
Towel dry the kitten. Wrap a towel around a heating pad set to the lowest setting and place it into a cardboard box. Place the kitten in the box to keep it warm. While you bathe its littermates & mom.

• Step 5:  Once the kitten is dry:

Using a flea comb, search through the kitten's fur to catch any remaining fleas. Pick them out of the comb with tweezers or fingernails. Drop the fleas into the cup of hot soapy water; this will kill them instantly.

• If the kitten is still with its mother, the mother cat has to be treated too, as do all the kittens in the litter. 

What is this?

What is this?